Well … we’re down to one. Well, two, really. But one.
That’s right. The longest season in all of sports is (finally) coming to the checkered flag. Sure, I contend it should’ve ended months ago because folks generally stopped caring once football season kicked off, but whatever. That’s not the point of today’s class.
It all comes down to Martinsville for the fellas still looking to punch their ticket to the NASCAR finale in Phoenix next month. Normally, I’d say that’s GREAT news for the Boys in Marketing, given Martinsville is historically a great track for this sort of thing.
But, this woke new car has made short-track racing insufferable the past few years, so we’ll see. Regardless, if Chase Elliott, Ryan Blaney, Joey Logano (gulp) or William Byron wanna race for a championship, they’re all gonna have to win this week. Last I checked, there’s only one winner each week, so that’s gonna be a problem.
Meanwhile, Kyle Larson and Christopher Bell can just ride around for 500 laps and hope none of those guys win. If that happens, they’re both joining Denny Hamlin and Chase Briscoe in Phoenix.
We all caught up? Good! Now, let’s get to something more exciting …
… Like Sam Busch hanging out with Trump! Take that, Libs! You’ll see.
What else? I’ve got AJ Allmendinger waiting all day for some damn assistance after nearly suffocating in Turn 3, the boobs were OUT on Talladega Blvd., and Austin Hill quite literally told his haters to piss all the way off. You ever seen a middle finger fly during a burnout? Well, you’re about to!
Four tires, some Sunoco racing fuel, and maybe a little more HUSTLE from the ‘Dega AMR safety crew … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘And Then There Were Two (Spots Left)’ edition – is LIVE!
It’s not looking great for Chase (or Ryan)
So, let’s quickly get the Xs and Os outta the way before we party our TAILS off on the Boulevard. As I said earlier, yesterday wasn’t a great race for Chase Elliott or Ryan Blaney.
Chase, in particular, was caught up in one of the few wrecks (weird, I know) of the day early on, and now he’s COOKED heading to Martinsville.
Well, not cooked … but he’s gotta win. Could happen. Probably won’t. We’ll see.
“Let’s go! Move the f–king truck, jackass!”
Love that. Sounds like me literally every single day when I’m driving. I have no patience for the nonsense on our roads anymore. None. Which makes sense, given I live in Florida, where we’re made up of either A) First-time drivers, or B) Drivers who will die of natural causes in six months. Bad recipe for success, and it SHOWS.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Chase and Ryan. Chase was wrecked. Ryan and Penske teammate Joey Logano had a legit shot to win, and then it all went to hell in a handbasket, as my mamaw would say.
Maybe put a little pep in your step, ‘Dega!
So, there you have it. Those are the standings heading into Martinsville this weekend. Chase Briscoe and Denny Hamlin are in. Bell and Larson can easily point their way as long as one of the four guys behind them don’t win. None of those dudes can really point their way in (maybe Byron, but that’s highly unlikely), so they all have to win.
Got it? My prediction:
– Hamlin
– Briscoe
– Larson
– Blaney
I’ve seen this movie before. Ryan Blaney can downplay it all he wants, but he’s been in this spot before, and we’ve seen him win. Guy is as clutch as they come, on and off the track. I’d take him over the field on Sunday. We’ll see.
OK, Enough of that. You know who ain’t winning ANYTHING until he can get his damn breath back? AJ Allmendinger!
Sam Busch, Trump, Austin’s F-U & No Kings at ‘Dega!
I mean, WHAT was that?! That was the longest response time I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m sure this sort of thing used to happen all the time ‘BaCk iN tHe dAy,’ but you certainly don’t see it anymore in today’s NASCAR.
AJ hit the wall, took 30 seconds to roll down to bottom of the track and come to a stop, took another 20 seconds to get out of the car, and then just laid on the ground, suffocating and withering away, for another 30 seconds until the safety crew nonchalantly walked over to him to say, ‘What’s up?’
Seriously. They just walked over there like it was another day at the park … as he was WRITHING on the ground in pain. Hey, dummies – maybe hit the gas just a tad next time when someone’s rolling around in Turn 3 after hitting the wall at 190 mph. Just a thought.
Because I’m so annoyed by it, here’s AJ’s wife, Tara, for no reason at all beyond the obvious:
That’s better. Thank God. We’re BACK on track, now! Let’s hit the gas and get this going on the way out.
From one WAG … to THE WAG … let’s head to the SWAMP and check in with Sam Busch and our great president!
The haters are FURIOUS today. How much did the woke NASCAR media HATE seeing Samantha Busch at the White House with Trump? God, they must’ve been seething.
Thank you Mr. President and everyone who worked tirelessly to make this historic day a reality.
Promises made, promises kept! Just like a true King!
Speaking of …
You know where there weren’t any No Kings protests this weekend? Talladega Damn Boulevard!
That’s literally all I can share on this site. We’re family-friendly, you know. As always when we go to ‘Dega, there’s a certain video making the internet rounds once again today. As is tradition, I hear rumors you can find it here. Not positive, though. Let me know!
Any luck? Good! Great. Happy post-Dega Monday! Imagine spending your Saturday protesting Donald Trump at a No Kings rally, instead of watching college football and enjoying Talladega? Two very different countries. Choose your side. Ain’t hard, at least if you’re sane.
And for those of you who choose the other side, Austin Hill will show your asses the door! See ya later!
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