Over the hump and safely to the (unofficial) start of the weekend. Playoff baseball tonight. NFL tonight. College football tonight. AMC Fear Fest is showing The Omen and Carrie if you get bored and need something to get you through halftime.
Who has it better than us right now? Nobody. Let’s GET AFTER IT.
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Madison Beer continues to be the First Lady of the NFL with a stunning walk down the Victoria’s Secret runway.
What else? I’ve got AOC making us all infinitely dumber in just two minutes, Nancy Pelosi SNAPPING on a reporter who may just be America’s next star, and CNN’s recap of last night’s VS fashion show is worth diving into … for obvious reasons.
Imagine actually writing this. Thank GOD I work for Fox. You’ll see.
OK, grab you a to-go coffee because we’re heading to Sears for National Department Store Day, and settle in for a Thursday ‘Cap!
I started my day by watching AOC ramble for two minutes on CNN
God, I used to LOVE a good department store. How many still exist? Obviously they do, but who really goes anymore?
I recently moved back to my hometown, and I often cut through the mall parking lot to get to Total Wine for my weekly whiskey run. It’s maybe the most depressing drive of my life. That place used to be JAMMED every single day. It would take me 45 minutes to get from one end to the other.
Now? It’s a 30-second drive through the AMC parking lot, another 30 seconds to get past Macy’s, and we’re into the Total Wine, Shoe Carnival and Best Buy lot. Sad.
Amazingly, the mall is actually still open, although it’s mostly just shut down stores and a giant church, with some food court options still somehow open. My million-dollar idea? Make the whole thing a giant playground in the middle of the walkways, and put restaurants along the side in the vacant rooms with outdoor seating.
That way, kids can play, parents can eat and drink, and businesses can actually thrive. It’s a good idea, right? I’m always looking for somewhere to take my kids where they can run around while I just sit and watch for hours on end. Lord knows it’s better than the empty Hollister and Pac-Sun rooms that just take up space.
Anyway, if you steal it, at least let me know first so I can get in on it with you. I could use the money.
OK, here’s someone who absolutely belongs in a department store instead of congress … AOC!
Madison Beer or the field, who ya got?
Incredible. I don’t even know where to begin. It’s just word salad, straight out of the Kamala Harris Book of Word Salad.
I wrote about AOC this morning at 7 a.m., so if you want my full commentary, feel free to click here. Lord knows I deserve that click after listening to that before my first cup of coffee.
Basically, AOC says that you, me, and all the conservatives out there right now are so successful because we’re a bunch of racist homophobes online, and that sort of messaging enables … Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg … to get tax cuts.
That’s what she just said in 120 seconds in a nutshell. Seriously. She also said we hate brown people, and think women are stupid. No proof, of course. No examples. No context. Just blanket statements with a weird tie-in at the end to Elon and Zuck and how they get tax breaks.
The Dems LOVE using the ‘conservatives hate women!’ argument, and I still, to this day, can’t figure out why.
Does AOC realize her party is the one that advocates for biological men beating the piss out of women in sports? That’s HER party, not ours! Yet, we’re the ones who think women are inferior? OK, AOC. Whatever you say!
Anyway, let’s check in on a woman who was 100% superior to anything else last night – Madison Beer!
More CNN, Nancy loses it & welcome to class!
Justin Herbert gets to come home to THAT every night, while my QB down here in Miami has spent all week covering his own ass after shoving his team under a bus.
What a fumble by the Dolphins. What a miserable season this has been. But hey! For you degenerates out there, tune into Sunday’s Dolphins-Browns game if you want a MASTERCLASS in professional football:
Two tiny southpaw QBs who can’t throw a football 40 yards with no wind, now get to square off in a tropical storm? This is why we grind all offseason. For games like this. Can’t wait.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big (unofficial) weekend. First up? Back to the Victoria’s Secret show!
CNN, did you like what you saw?
Nice try, Clay! While Madison Beer stole the show, CNN chose to focus on A) Angel Reese, and B) all the plus-size models and trannies who also walked the runway.
HERE’s how CNN starts their recap:
WNBA player Angel Reese became the first professional athlete to walk the runway at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on Wednesday, as the lingerie label — and self-proclaimed arbiter of sexiness in the 1990s — continues to rebrand following years of commercial turmoil.
The 23-year-old Chicago Sky forward joined supermodels like Bella and Gigi Hadid, and former “Angels” including Adriana Lima, in a star-studded lineup that also featured transgender, pregnant and plus-size models.
Plus-size models Paloma Elsesser, Ashley Graham and Yumi Nu also appeared, as did Alex Consani, who (alongside Valentina Sampaio) made history last year by becoming the first trans woman to feature at the show.
Olympic gymnast Sunisa Lee meanwhile appeared in a “halftime show” for Pink, a Victoria’s Secret sub-brand targeting younger women.
Incredible. Shockingly, CNN doesn’t mention Madison Beer once. She was the hottest thing going, and couldn’t even get a quick sentence from CNN. Too white, I suppose. Too straight. Too much of a real woman. Strikes 1, 2 & 3!
Also … did you know there was a halftime show for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? I had no clue. I’m sure it won’t be as good as Bad Bunny in a few months!
Next? As the government shutdown nears a third week (has ANYONE noticed yet?), let’s check in with Nancy Pelosi as she kills time!
Oh my. Who says Nancy’s lost her fastball?! That old arm still has life in it, baby! It ain’t 98 on the black anymore, but she can still get you a few key outs in October if you need ’em.
My biggest takeaway? Who do we have asking these important questions?! What a cameo there at the end!
Welcome to class, Alison Steinberg! Take us home, would ya?
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Are any of your malls functional still? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
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